In what is perhaps my most vulnerable post yet, I’m going to confess something to you all today.
Though I strongly support Caitlin’s Operation Beautiful movement, I haven’t been applying it to myself. In fact, I’ve had some serious body image issues for the past few months.
I’m not going to lie. I’d like to lose 5-10 pounds before the wedding, so that I look as awesome as I feel in our wedding pictures. And I’ve been putting a lot of pressure and stress on myself to lose this weight over the past few months.
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I tried calorie counting a few years ago. While it worked and I did lose weight, I didn’t feel particularly strong, I was eating a lot of processed “lite” foods, and I was constantly stressed about how many calories I had eaten and how much more I could eat that day.
Shortly after losing that weight, I suddenly gained even more weight. Quite a bit of weight, for this 5’0″ frame. Calorie counting wasn’t working for me anymore. I also felt progressively more and more ill, and was eventually diagnosed with hypothyroidism.
Since then, I haven’t been able to get back into calorie counting. Every time I try it, I last about half a day before I start stressing about the “numbers,” which just isn’t constructive for me.
So last week, I adopted a new food and fitness philosophy. Ready for it?
Worrying about what I just ate or how I veered from my training plan isn’t going to help me feel strong or healthy. Nor is worrying about my weight or how I look. So I won’t. I’m just not going to let myself be upset about it.
No “rules,” no pressure. Just let it happen.
It sounds simple, and is easier said than done, for sure, but so far it seems to be working for me.
I think I have gotten to a pretty good place with myself, where I know what makes me feel healthy and strong, and what doesn’t.
I know that lifting weights will leave me feeling sore the next day, but also strong, powerful and fit.
I know that a good bike ride will free me of stress.
I know that drinking a Green Monster or eating some breakfast quinoa will leave me feeling more satisfied and energized than something sugary-sweet or heavy in the morning.
But I also know that sometimes, I want a burger and fries while out with friends. And I will be much happier if I don’t beat myself up about enjoying it later. So when I went out with Kristie and Jenn on Saturday and we ordered cheese curds, burgers and fries, did I let myself feel guilty afterwards? Nope!
It felt so FREEING to ditch the “rules.” To let myself believe that if I just stop worrying about it all. the. time, the weight will slowly start to drop off.
Because it isn’t about the weight or how I look. It is about how I feel.
And apparently, I’m not the only one who feels this way. Both Ashley and Lindsey have written about similar ideas recently. I think Lindsey said it best in her post today, writing
I’m really starting to believe that we truly need to let go of the rules, become comfortable in our own skin and love ourselves as we are now. Not only is this a beautiful mindset, but more often than not it seems as though the changes we’re seeking often happens when we just let go and let our bodies do their own thing.
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
If you live by rules, you rob your life of living. Now, that is one shi–y way to live.
Loving this philosophy
I know it’s one we talked about and Miss Lindsey is prolific – I couldn’t have said it better!
It was SUCH a pleasure to meet you and I can’t thank you enough for letting me stay with you on Saturday night. I had so much fun chatting and watching Jamie Oliver. What could be better, seriously?! I’m going to write you a proper thank you email soon but just wanted to pop by and say hello! Hope the studying went well and that you enjoyed the rest of your weekend immensely.
P.S. Yay cheese curds!
I used to loosely count calories, but found it was more constraining than just eating slowly (so my body has time to register that it’s full) and by eating more home-cooked meals.
Great post! I got married 7 months ago and the pressure to look a certain way was immense and got stronger and stronger as the day got closer. I lost the weight by letting go and doing what felt right.
If you ask me how I felt that day, it was amazing- not because of the weight, but because of the amazing day that it was. I promise not matter what you weigh or how you look, your pictures will be amazing because you’ll be glowing inside!
Thank you!
Fantastic post
I agree wholeheartedly with your philosophy!
Calorie counting can do so much more harm than good for people if done incorrectly (ahem, waving my hand in the air), so much better to learn the basics of nutrition, exercise and do what makes you feel the best and stick to that.
Honestly, I LOVE this post. Thank you for being so honest with us. I seriously was freaking out about weight before my wedding only b/c the dress was $1500, and I had never tried it on since it was in the states. I started calorie counting and becoming really obsessive over it. My old eating disorder demons were coming back. My husband thought I was a freak. I was. Before the whole wedding craziness and after, I’ve found that everything in moderation does my body good. The less you think about making your body look good, and the more you concentrate on “fueling” your body the better you will look AND feel. Good luck, sweetie! It might just be the wedding making you crazy. They tend to do that to some of us. I know mine did!
I’ve seen your wedding pictures… you looked gorgeous! Not that you don’t always look gorgeous, but you know what I mean
You are so sweet! What I meant was, I was worrying about nothing. And you are too. You will look gorgeous on your wedding day!!
I love this post, obviously! I think it’s so wonderful when people realize that there are more important things in life than forcing/struggling/fighting w/ yourself to be something. I bet this new relaxed philosophy will work out in the long run. I know that I personally break every food “rule” I make and it stinks.
Julie – I found your blog a couple weeks ago, but have been happily “lurking” (ie: no comments) until now. This post really struck a chord with me, and it meant so much for me to read this today. It is so easy to become caught up in the rules (the counting, the sizes, the healthy vs “non-healthy” mind set…) and, in doing so, you miss out on lots of good stuff. Moderation really is key, and finding what works for you and your body — How freeing to “let go of the rules” and trust yourself!
, but I know your pictures will be absolutely beautiful- as are you!
I know that weddings can add a whole new dimension to the way you see yourself (I just got married last September, and I remember feeling this way
Thanks for delurking and introducing yourself!
You’re right, a lot of this is probably due to the upcoming wedding!
I think this is sooo true Julie and I love that you’re going down this path. It will surely lead to happiness.
During my half marathon training I’ve noticed that I’ve inadvertently shifted away from my usual weight loss mindset (I’m that girl that perpetually wanted the perfect body and the flat stomach even though it’s not in my genes). But during training it was about what my body could do and how strong I felt, not about the scale. And it was so freeing! I hope it lasts forever!
I’ve been craving a burger sooo badly lately and I know that when the opportunity presents itself I’m going to chow down on one and love every second of it. And cheese curds?! Yes please!
You are gorgeous girl! I’m super happy for you
This was my first non-veggie burger since going vegetarian back in August/September!
Wonderful post!! I’m 100% with you- no rules is the way to go. Sometimes just worrying about what you’re eating is what makes it so hard- giving yourself permission not to fret over the little things is so liberating!
This is a great post Julie!
Having a positive body image is all about how we feel about ourselves, versus how we look!
You are amazing for figuring this mentality out so early in life. It took me well into my 20′s but truly I find myself in better health and shape just by taking it easy on myself and not obsessing.
Thank you!!
As I said on Saturday, I so support you here! And the healthy glow you have got from inside is going to be radiating come May 30
I really liked your entire post – I even linked it in my “essay.” I used to count calories and it made me miserable, I’m really glad that both of us were able to give it up.
Keep up the good work, it sounds like you’re in the right direction and it’s a great philosophy to live by.
Thanks for the link
i agree! all those “plans” that are so widely advertised annoy the crap out of me. we all gotta find our way and make things work for ourselves.
You are one smart cookie! oh wait, maybe I should not be talking cookies. But OH! you are so strong, and I totally agree with your philosophy. Enjoy your new freedom.
LOVE this post — and I’m glad you put it out there. It gets at all the things I think we need to get better at remembering. We’re beautiful people, and we need to get more comfortable just living in this present moment… not for some shining moment in the future (that may/may not ever come). Living in the future just sets us up for disappointment.
Rules constrain. Freedom helps us to reach our goals!
What a wonderful post and good for you for putting yourself out there. While I’m not married, I can certainly imagine that there is a TON of pressure to look your best on the big day. I hope that by letting go of the rules, etc. you will be able to find some peace with yourself and the rest will take care of itself.
I think I do a mixture of both calorie counting and just eating what/when I feel like. I know I need a set of guidelines to steer me in the right direction, but my guidelines aren’t set in stone. I’m not at the point where I can freely eat and know that I’m 100% satisfied with where my body is so I use calorie counting as a tool, but for me, it isn’t a rule but more of a reminder.
I’ve starting focusing less on the number on the scale and working towards non-weight goals like running a half marathon in June. I’ve learned that I’m more than just a number and that whatever the scale shows can’t possibly tell me what I’ve accomplished. If I’m giving it 100%, I’m going to feel 100%.
No guilt. Ever.
Great post.
Thank you for sharing what works best for you!
LOVE this – just “let it happen” is an awesome way to look at things. I bet you’ll be amazed at the “results” in terms of how much better you’ll FEEL, which, at the end of the day is far more important than rules
I too loved this post. I’m always, always resolving. I’m going to tone my arms before the senior trip, I want new shoulders by prom, I can’t my teeth looking this way this summer, what’s my room mate going to think of me? What are new guys going to think of me? And so it goes on.
I can’t imagine the pressure of a wedding coming up and I admire you so much for saying “no” to the image issues and just going with what makes you feel great. I think more of us need to realize the picture of health is different for everyone! YOU look fabulous and I can’t wait to see you in your dress. I think the positive mindset will have you more beautiful than any physical difference.
Aw, thank you Mae! You are beautiful, and all your new college friends are going to love you! (and may I put in another selfish vote for Cornell?
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AGH that computer just ate my comment (and it was long too!) but what I wanted to say was I cannot agree more. You are so spot on. I feel like we’re in a really similar situation and I could use a mindset change similar to this. I’ve been working on it, but easier said than done as you said. Guilt is just so toxic and non-constructive. I’m all for ridding it from our lives.
I hate when that happens!
It really is easier said than done. The first few days, I had to remind myself about 20 times a day to just let it go and not worry about it…and now I’m down to more like 10 times a day… getting there! It takes some time to get to that fully-free point, I think, and some conscious effort initially. But I’m already happier and more confident!
I love this post & mentality! Im also trying to lose a little bit of weight (at Im 5 feet!), but I know in my heart that calorie counting is not what I need to do it. I think Im in such a rush. Its always something – summer, vacation, a wedding – but slow & steady wins the race!
I love your new food and fitness philosophy. You’re 110% right: It’s about how you feel. Weight is just a number. And you’ll be happy with your outside if you’re happy with your inside.
Amen, girl!! First of all, let me sincerely say that you are absolutely gorgeous just the way you are. Not only are you physically beautiful, but your kindness and sweet soul seriously radiates out from you!
While I do think that calorie counting can work and be helpful for some people – I’m with you. Having “rules” makes me more stressed, anxious, and HUNGRY! haha. So I think that you’re doing the right thing. And as far as the wedding coming up – you’re going to look amazing whether you lose 5-10 pounds or not. I personally don’t think you need to lose an ounce!
Thank you, dear!
Love this. You are beautiful, and you will be the most beautiful you have ever been on your wedding day regardless of how much you weigh because you will be happy
xoxo
Thank you!!
great real, honest post.
you are amazing!